


Time and Time Again

by becksterres



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Internal musings, M/M, before 2x17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 07:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11550417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becksterres/pseuds/becksterres
Summary: Being a warlock meant that Magnus had a lot of time to deal with his misfortunes. Being immortal taught Magnus that even all the time in the world can't get rid of all kinds of pain. But now, sharing his space with Alec, Magnus realized that even with all the weight on his shoulders, he didn't have to bare it alone.





	Time and Time Again

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, the Malec trailer was so cute but I can't help but worry about what the lying is going to do to their relationship!! Here's some fluff to kind of make it better, though I will admit that it is a little bittersweet. 
> 
> Let me know if I'm depicting anything wrong. I did some research for myself, so hopefully things seem correct and accurate.

Whoever said time healed all wounds was either an idiot for truly believing so or a genius for trying to convince himself of it. Magnus liked to believe the former to be true. At least then he could pretend that there was hope for him, in the end. 

If there was something Magnus Bane had enough of, it was time, and he, of all people, felt justified in believing that time did not heal all wounds. Time, of course, made things easier. Not better nor easy, but easier than the initial reaction. 

But sometimes, not even all the time in the world helped. 

“Magnus! Magnus!” 

He woke up in a cold sweat, his body tense, muscles twitching. He felt the magic flowing to his fingers, remembering the blow. The fire. He felt himself blink rapidly, trying to see the destruction, all the red, so much red. So much pain. 

There was a hand on his bare shoulder now, hesitant and far away. Magnus took heavy breaths, barely hearing his name being repeated in softer tones now. 

“Magnus, hey, you’re safe.” His voice was rough, obviously having been woken up by whatever it was Magnus’ body did. Magnus’ throat hurt, as if he’d been screaming. “It’s okay. You’re in New York, in your bed, with me.” 

“…Alexander,” Magnus said, closing his eyes with a sigh. He placed a hand over the one on his shoulder. 

Immediately, Alec placed his other hand around Magnus, pulling him to his chest. Magnus went with the motion, allowing his head to drop against Alec’s body. “That’s right,” he answered. 

Magnus felt the wet tears against his chest begin to soak in Alec’s t-shirt. Alec didn’t seem to care. 

“Alexander,” Magnus started again, voice steady. 

“Yeah, Magnus?” 

“Don’t wake me up like that again,” Magnus managed, forcing his words out. Instead of stilling like Magnus had anticipated, Alec remained relaxed. Magnus felt the man press his face against the top of his head. 

“You won’t hurt me,” he said quietly. 

Magnus shook his head. “I don’t want to risk it.” 

Alec merely shook his head in return. “I didn’t touch you at all,” he said, words sure. “I made sure to keep away until you seemed to get back into the present. But, if I didn’t help ground you…?” 

Magnus frowned, mind reeling. Alec… Of course. Being a Shadowhunter required knowledge about many things. Though he was young, Magnus was sure Alexander must have either learned or even experienced different types of nightmares and traumas. 

Alexander was giving him a choice in the matter. Of course he was. Magnus sighed and relented, “It had.” 

Although Magnus had gone through this terror before, even he had to admit that having Alexander calling his name and giving him something to hold on to had helped pull him from the memory. 

But that didn’t make it any less dangerous. Unlike the nephilim or mundanes, Magnus’ magic didn’t necessarily require touch to cause damage. 

Alec kept his arms around Magnus, Magnus nestled comfortably in his arms. Magnus already felt himself fading in and out once again. Though the fear of the memory returning kept sleep at bay. 

“I’ll make us some tea--” Alec started, moving to get up. 

Magnus’ hold on him tightened. “No, no. I--” His head was still jumbled, words uncharacteristically failing him now. 

But, that had been enough for Alec. He settled back against the headboard of the bed, pulling Magnus gently along with him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec said, voice steady. Magnus exhaled. 

“There’s not much more to say,” he reminded, and it was true. He had already divulged the nature of the memory to Alec days prior. And while the admittance lifted the weight from Magnus’ heart slightly, it still wasn’t enough to completely rid himself of the memories. 

Alec fell quiet again, and Magnus understood this for what it was. He felt his eyes close again and the weight of sleepless nights settled over him. 

“I…” Magnus started. He could feel Alec’s body shift slightly, as if his entire being was preparing to listen. “I keep thinking that I’ve gotten over this.” In the quiet of his bedroom, wrapped in his silks, Magnus shook his head and scoffed, fingers gripping Alec’s shirt. “And for awhile I felt as if I had finally, finally overcome my past.” 

Alec’s hand was moving, slowly, against him. Magnus felt himself relax against the motion. 

“But this…agony rune,” Magnus muttered, spitting the name of the rune out like poison on his lips. “Even without it, sometimes the memory returns. But this rune…” 

Magnus felt Alec’s exhale more than heard it. He felt the apology in the air rather than heard it. 

“It’s not something you get over, Magnus,” Alec said. Magnus could hear the resolve in Alec’s words, how careful he is to choose them. “I don’t know how to make this better.” 

Alec’s lips pressed against the crown of Magnus’ head. The older man sighed quietly, feeling younger and more vulnerable than he had in ages. 

Having so much time on his hands had allowed Magnus to acquire a fair number of seasons in his life where everything went wrong. Well, obviously not everything – even he could admit to that -- but in the moment and in those seasons, it had felt that the world was crashing down and around him. 

While he never looked back particularly fondly on those times in his life, he knew to take them as learning experience for himself and for others. 

Though this particular season in his life he isn’t sure what to make of it. Part of him is inclined to throw in the towel, allow himself to remember why he didn’t like to mingle with the shadowhunters, why he stayed away from those with angel blood. 

There was a sigh above him as Alec’s breathing slowed to a steady rhythm, one Magnus was becoming exceedingly familiar with. A smile slowly grew on his face as he listened to the young man’s heart beating. 

Yet Magnus couldn’t help but feel happiness in this season of his life. This wasn’t a season where everything was going wrong at least. And sure, things were going particularly swimmingly in every aspect, but that was to be expected when working with a spouse. 

Magnus sighed, feeling himself roll his eyes. He knew the Downworld cabinet meetings were a smart idea, really. In fact, he was glad Alec was hosting them. But even he had to admit that it would put strain on their relationship, both workwise and at home. It was selfish, and Magnus knew it. But it was also Magnus’ ability to keep his eyes for his people too. 

Just because Alexander Lightwood made good choices did not mean he had complete ridded himself of the Clave’s influence. If there was one thing his time on Earth taught Magnus, it was that being bashed over the head with one ideology for a substantial part of one’s life was not something that could be corrected over the course of a few months. 

Still, Magnus found himself hoping Alexander to be different. As the man above him snored softly, Magnus had to remind himself just how young Alec was, and how new branching out like this had to be for him. 

Sometimes Magnus had to wonder if putting his heart in the hands of a man who was still working out his own devices was a smart move. Looking back, Magnus was reminded that his heart rarely ever liked to listen to logic, and it had, without question, put him in terrible, terrible positions. 

Magnus closed his eyes, allowing the constant rise and fall of Alec’s chest to lull him to almost sleep. His mind refused to let up on his musings, wondering of not only his nightmares but of what was to come in the more…immediate future. Venturing out further than that, Magnus knew, was not smart. Even his heart had to agree with that. 

Alec Lightwood was the Head of the New York Institute, an outstanding Shadowhunter, an excellent marksman. And yet he was also Alexander who assured Magnus of his beauty, both inwards and outwards, who reminded Magnus how to feel love again, how to forgive. Alexander who learned how to apologize… who was trying to be better than he was… 

Magnus didn’t know what tomorrow held or what the day after and the day after that did. He didn’t know how much time he had lift with Alec, nor how well these cabinet meetings were going to go. He didn’t know how long the memory will continue to haunt him nor how many more memories will resurface with this old one. What he did know, however, was that he was going to head straight into it, cry his eyes out, and thrive. 

Before long, Magnus’ and Alexander’s hearts beat as one. And Magnus’ brain was plunged, blissfully, into nothingness.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if the summary really matches the piece to be honest. It really got away from me! But, I hope you all enjoy! And I really hope that the show doesn't make the Malec resolve happen during the season finale. My heart can't take it!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you liked it or have any creative criticism! God Bless!


End file.
